My first true love, my fiance, had broken up with me just weeks before our wedding date. I was in the deepest, darkest place I had ever been. No light. No laughter. Nothing. For over a year. I was going through the motions of living but I wasn't alive.
I was still calling this guy and begging him.....BEGGING him to reconsider. Begging him to tell me again why he had broken up with me. Begging. I couldn't breathe without him. It was gross. He was my future. He was all I wanted. I had no Plan B. I was wallowing in the deepest, darkest sewer of hell. I was stuck in this place for over a year. A YEAR.
One day, I was walking into a drugstore and had already walked several paces in. A voice in my head said, "Turn around and look." Along with the voice, I swear I felt a tap on my shoulder....yet there was no one around. So I turned around.
There was a stand of postcards....and my eyes landed directly on the one that said,
"Happiness is the best revenge."
Now, I know that doesn't sound like something God would say, but it was like being hit over the head for me. That's it. I get it. I would go out there and get happy....and he would want me back. I am telling you....I was in the dark...and it's like every light in the football stadium just came on.
This funny thing happened on my way to getting happy. I became happy. I was living. I was breathing. I was laughing again. And I realized I didn't need or want anyone that I had to beg for their attention. Hello! I realized I was the only one who could make me happy. It had to come from within me and I alone was responsible for going out and finding it.
This transformation didn't take place over night, but the saying on that postcard....that I never would have seen if that voice (God) hadn't spoken to me to look back....became my daily mantra and changed my whole outlook. My happiness didn't start on one particular day and I was still sad at times, but I did have an awakening.
I am happy. And of course, sometimes I am sad. But I know for sure God is watching over me and will grab me by the collar after he has given me ample time to figure it out on my own.
God Moments. God's Timing. God's Plan. He has never asked us to understand. He only asks us to trust him. He's not going anywhere.
PS....I got happy. Married a great guy who is my best friend....and we put up with each other on the hard days and enjoy each other on the good ones. I had 3 beautiful babies who have grown up into wonderful adults. It hasn't always been easy. But I have always known that God's got my back.
Do I still have trust issues after all these years? Oh, yes.....let's just say Jesus and God may be the only 2 men I trust. Do I still wonder why in the world that guy could have let me go? Wouldn't you? ha. Do I still think about him now and then? Yes...but when I do, I think more about the girl I was then...and realize I had way more growing up to do and way more living (and wonder if my happiness has been the best revenge.)
God really does have a plan. And a time table. And he thumps us on the head now and then with a God Moment.