Sunday, January 25, 2009

Reflective listening.....

Today's sermon was about conflict.....specifically in marriage. The preacher told us right off the bat that there would always be conflict. So it's not a matter of how to get rid of it, but how to have it. One of the examples he gave later in the sermon was about how to participate in "reflective listening." Now, I've seen a few Dr. Phil's in my life so I knew all about this....but I listened and it was good to have Chuck in on this.

The preacher and his wife acted this little skit out.....after they acted out the wrong way to have a conflict. Which by the way, I excel at.....

Wife: I feel loved when you help me with dinner instead of just sitting down in front of the tv when you come home.

Husband: Okay....what I hear you say is that you feel loved when I am proactive in helping you with dinner.

Wife: Yes.

Husband: Now may I say something? I would like for us to sit down and reconnect before we start worrying about dinner.

Wife: So you would like to spend a few moment together each evening reconnecting?

Husband: Yes.

So, Chuck and I had a real life practice session a little while ago........

Me: Chuck, I really feel loved when you get in here and help me unload the dishwasher.

Chuck: Okay......(I leave the room and he yells out) Hey, don't I get to tell you how I feel loved?

Me: No. I 'm still learning how to do this. Get in here and start unloading.

Jordan arrived in town last night from Phoenix and Cameron drove in for the afternoon. All birds were in the nest for a few hours today. The dogs love it when we're all here. Lots of choices of laps to hop on.


  1. Wow! that is good when couple communicate each other. A good communication could support a relationship. But when I read at the second conversation, I was laughing I am sorry. I could not bear it. Lol.

  2. I feel loved when Tim unloads the dishwasher too. Not that it happens very often or anything.

  3. Enjoyed your comments on reflective listening. There is a great new resource on this topic that you might find interesting and/or helpful. It's a book called "Please Listen to Me!" by Dick Fetzer. It's an easy-read with practical scenarios to help the reader master this skill. Find it at almost any online store or by going to the publisher:

  4. It really is easier if just the husband does the reflective stuff and the wife goes on as usual. I think good communication is something a person is born with or learned through healthy modelling from their parents. Thank goodness we don't have those inborn burdens or the attention span...what was I saying?...