Football and Me

....don't mix.

It's not that I don't like football, it's that I don't really understand it.  I can't ever seem to follow the ball. And it's extremely hard to watch those players falling and tackling each other.  But I know it's a whole lot of fun for a lot of you to play, to watch, to follow and support with tailgating and betting and wearing the team colors. 

My fondest memories of football games would be the years that Jordan and Cameron were in the drill team.  Now that I loved to watch.  I loved to watch the 100 girls in the stands and I loved to watch them perform at half-time.  So my fondest memory of football turns out to be the drill team really.

My worst memory of a football game happens to be an A&M game.  We were invited to attend by some friends and we were so excited.  We tailgated before and then headed to the game.  I should mention that it was early September and hot.  HOt.  HoT.  hOt. With 100% humidity.  As we were climbing the ramps to our upper level seats, our friends said, "Don't forget we stand the whole game!" 

Yep,  Aggies stand the entire game.  Which works for those die-hard 20 year old college football fans.  But I was about 48 and hot.  And remember....not much of a football fan.  You would more than likely catch me reading the program during the game or shopping the gift shop or concession stand.  And in fact, I did leave a few times during that game to do just that.  I was still standing but at least I was moving....and not having to act like I was watching.

The very best part of this worst memory (or would that be the very worst part of this worst memory?) happened after the game.  We stopped at McDonald's to get something to drink and use the restroom before the drive home.  The place was full of the opposing team's fans.   They were from South Carolina, I think....if I knew football, I would be able to tell you the team....but we already know that I don't know much about the game much less the teams. They did have on bright orange, if that helps.

Anyway, this team had lost and I guess I felt responsible for making them feel better because I talked to everyone in the line.  Lots and lots of small talk.  "When are y'all headed back?"  "Good game"  "Blah, blah, blah"

After getting our drinks, I headed to the restroom while Chuck waited for me.  Like all good girls do, I laid toilet paper down on the commode seat.  Extra long lengths of toilet paper. Fast forward to finished my business. Stood up, pulled my pants up, washed my hands, came on out and took my drink from Chuck.  

Walking out, I waved bye to all the fans from the other team.  Smiled here and there, telling them to have a safe trip home and goodbye and blah, blah, blah.  About the time we got to the door, Chuck asked, "What's that hanging out of your pants?"

Yes.  A very long length of toilet paper had stuck to my sweaty thigh and then been pulled up in my pants.....with the extra hanging out like a white tail....all the way to the back of my knee. There was no missing it.  I'm sure it was blowing around behind me. 

And my back side was facing about 30 out-of-towners who had just lost a football game to The Fighting Texas Aggies.  Can't you just imagine the fun they had at my expense?  

Yeah, I don't really do football.

But I hope your team wins this football season 2010.