Monday, April 16, 2012


Last week I was sent an invitation to a benefit being held at my friend Tori's home (an adorable century old home sitting in what used to be a dairy farm) for a little boy named Tynan who is fighting a battle with leukemia.  Tynan's sister is in 3rd grade at the elementary school where I worked for 5 years.  While I don't know Tynan, I do remember seeing the sister around the school...and I know that the whole school has been impacted by this family and their situation. 

Saturday evening was "Dinner in a Dairy Field" including bbq, a silent auction, raffle tickets, music and lots and lots of open field.  The best part for me was seeing so many of my friends in one place.  I have to admit, I've been terrible about keeping up with my friends from my "school days" but I'm sure everyone understands.  We are all like rats on a wheel..and time just spins away. 

The most touching moment of the evening was the release of hundreds of butterflies.  A friend got up and spoke about the significance of the butterfly....

According to an American Indian Legend, if anyone desires a wish to come true they must first capture a butterfly and whisper that wish to it.
Since a butterfly can make no sound, the butterfly can not reveal the wish to anyone but the Great Spirit who hears and sees all.
In gratitude for giving the beautiful butterfly its freedom, the Great Spirit always grants the wish.
So, according to legend, by making a wish and giving the butterfly its freedom, the wish will be taken to the heavens and be granted.

Obviously this was a most touching moment.  All of us wishing, praying, begging for this family and for a very sweet, very ill Tynan....
for his sister who never left his side for one moment the whole evening. 

At the end of the evening, they announced the silent auction winners and the raffle ticket winners.  

I never win anything.


I mean NEVER.

But I won the top prize being given out for the raffle!

A Kindle Fire.

And I haven't felt right about it since Saturday night. 

I can't put my finger on it. 

Why am I feeling so dang guilty about this? 

We paid the money for the raffle tickets. 

A kind and generous person....who happens to be the mother of one of my teacher friends...donated the Kindle Fire for the raffle. 

I won it fair and square. 

So why do I feel guilty?

Maybe it's because something really fun and great happened to me at the end of that fun evening. 

And Tynan went home to fight his battle. 

That mother is watching her son fight that battle. 

And her world is turned upside down.

 And I never had to watch one of my children fight like that. 

I feel so lucky.  So very, very lucky.  

And that makes me feel guilty. 

I'm working on it. 

Perhaps Tynan will win his battle.  Perhaps he will be taken way too soon from this earthly place. Only God knows.  But Tynan is leaving his mark on hundreds of people in my community already. 

And for a brief moment on Saturday evening, hundreds of people stopped
and released butterflies to carry Tynan's wish to the heavens.

Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.



  1. Hey. Give it to me. I'll work you through not feeling guilty. I'll hold onto it for a year and talk you through it... C'mon

  2. Beautiful post. Once again, tears. Tears for the beautiful writing, tears that you felt like you did, by mostly, tears for that precious little boy. I will be praying for him, believing he will win his battle. As for the Kindle Fire, keep it, and everytime you use it, remember sweet little Tynan and offer a prayer up for him. Love you, my friend!


  3. Made me cry.....

    I hope every time you see a butterfly you make a wish and I hope your wish comes true.

    ps...I agree with your friend

  4. Beautiful child. I can imagine just how you feel. I like fund raisers ..that do not offer a prize. Don't feel guilty...nothing to feel guilty about. You are a good person to have won....

  5. As my sometimes-wise mother would say, "You should not feel guilty unless you have done something wrong.". It's a pretty good saying, right? I agree with it. I also get where you're coming from and why you attach negative feelings about the reason you got it. A fundraiser for something that's just not acceptable. Sell it and send the money to the family. I actually think they are overrated.