Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Public Toilet Paper

I work in a school.....in kindergarten. And most days, I realize by 2 in the afternoon that I haven't stopped long enough to go to the bathroom. So by the time I do head to the porcelain throne.....I am just about pulling my pants down before I get to the stall.

Yesterday, I open the stall door and I see a million tiny pieces of toilet paper all over the floor. That should have been a red flag for me.....but I am using all the energy in my body to not wet my pants.

I get in the stall, I hover over the potty and ............well...you know.

And then it's time to wipe. I reach for the toilet paper. An inch comes off. I roll it around to find the beginning but it looks like it has been chewed by a beaver and there is no beginning. So I grab at it again. Another inch comes off. I do this at least 50 times....make that a hundred.... and add to the existing mountain on the floor. Feeling guilty the whole time for littering.

And I am hovering. Because that's what women have to do. My thighs are getting shaky. I am not going to make it like this for much longer.

Here's the thing. I can't leave. I can't quit. Because you know....I haven't wiped. So I continue to roll it and look for a beginning and claw at it and even turned to prayer.

At one point, I looked up to see if there were cameras watching this whole act.

Then I reached way up where no hand will go and tried to engage the new roll above knowing full well that wasn't going to happen. Now you dont' need to picture this....but I am hovering and then trying to reach at an angle impossible to humans to get my hand into an opening the size of a piece of bread.

So with the precision of a brain surgeon, I used my fingertips to tear the paper wrap off the new roll and used that. I did.

A little advice....

1. To the person (I am going to assume it's a man....because we all know they don't really need to wipe after #1) in charge of purchasing all toilet paper for the restrooms in the district. Really? Wouldn't no paper be better than this? Why don't you just go ahead and tell us to bring our own from home. There's a budget cut.....at least $100 a year, if you pay that much.

2. If you enter a stall and see a mountain of torn to shreds toilet paper on the floor.....grab some of that "bark off a tree paper towel" first.

You're welcome.


  1. hahaha i have been there SO MANY TIMES! that is the worst!

  2. You are so funny! Thanks for the giggle:) Check out the blog~ I posted the picture of the "twin" boy~ tell me what you think!?