Thursday, August 16, 2012

Why I Don't Play Any Sports

I've had a hard day.  Not the worst day ever but the kind of day that started out crappy and went downhill.  Tears have been building pressure at the backs of my eyeballs all day long. 

How my day started....

I fixed my coffee...first checking the Keurig water reservoir for ants...yes, ants....and sure enough there were a couple floating in there.  We have ants...apparently Pharoah ants...still...and finally called an exterminator.  He quoted us a $150.00 service fee with no guarantee that they would go away or that they wouldn't come back.  Well, never mind then...that's what we have going on for free now.  So we cancelled and are totally frustrated while the ants are winning.

Bad mood begins.

I took my coffee (with either no ants or a boiled ant) and a sack of goodies upstairs to wrap so I could mail a package to Jordan. While in the craft room, I saw Will come out of the guest room.

Me:  Why did you sleep in there?

Will:  'Cause Sadie's Anal Gland popped and got all over my sheets.

Sorry, I should have warned you that was coming....but I had no warning either.

Bad mood cranks up a notch.

Yeah.  So you're on my side now aren't you?  Sadie is our 7 year old chihuahua with a vacant anal gland now.


And now 2 sets of sheets have to be washed.  On.  My.  Day.  Off.

Only I pitched a little menopausal fit and Will washed the sheets as well as cleaned his room.  Because the fit will be blamed on menopause I will call it that...but it's really because I saw piles of stuff spilling out of the gameroom and Will's room. 

Then, I ran a million errands in this ridiculous heat and fought off the need to cry all day.  Does it ever hit you like that? 

Bad mood taking precedent over everything. 

So by 5 I call Chuck and tell him I need a margarita.  He says okay because he's nice like that. 

I come home from errands and he comes home from work.   He checks the mail then says he's ready to go. He heads out to the car while I finish getting ready.  I am met at the back door by Harry and a tennis ball.  I usually give him a treat when I leave but Chuck was waiting so I was in a hurry.  I decide to throw the ball outside for him a substitute "treat." 

I pick up the ball, throw back my hand and bring it forward to let go of the ball....I believe it's called throwing.  Only, my hand was stopped mid-air by the door frame. 

My.  Hand. Was. Stopped.  By.  A. Door. Frame.  Ohhhhhhhhhh.  Myyyyyyyyyy.  GAAAAAAAHH.

So now I really have something to cry about.  I felt my brain waves and heart beat in the end of my thumb and wanted to gag for at least 30 minutes.  We still headed out to eat and the margarita helped. 

But this is why I don't play any sports.  Balls hurt me.  Or do some crazy magnetic thing to my brain making my arm go in the exact opposite direction I want it to causing door frames to jump out at me.


And if you're here because I'm on your Google Reader or you just check in now and then, I am so grateful.  I am obviously in a little funk.  It's Houston, it's hot.  I am busy but can think of nothing to write about...except anal glands and smashed thumbs, lucky for you. 

I work all day and crash at night with Harry by my side. 

Do not give up on me.

 But count me out if you need an extra player on your team.


  1. Poor you! If I lived close I would bring you over a pitcher of margaritas. And brownies. And a hug. On the plus side, that Harry is adorable and so are pajamas!

  2. I laughed out loud at this post! You had me at anal gland! Your house could be my house....I'm so impressed Will did the laundry!

  3. Sounds like a bubble bath and bottle of wine sort of night...I am so sorry!

  4. Julia, I'm so with you right now. I can't even find the time to just catch up with my favorite 4 bloggers, You are #1! It's summer we need to give ourselves a break. Sorry you had a bad day, hope this week is better.

  5. You are hilarious...
    sorry about your day...
    tomorrow will be better....right???

    Linda :o)

  6. Oh how I feel your pain! Anal gland,,,,,,made me gag, you banging your thumb I did not like, but I liked that I could see Harry in the background still waiting for you to throw the ball! BAWHAHAHAHAHA How I miss you!!


  7. Haven't read in awhile. Hey, you are normal.....I think I had you on a pedestal, all things good and bright. Sorry for your hard day and your hurt finger. Yep, jammies and curl up with anything that makes you comfy.

  8. Don't let that funk go on too long. I was at bottom for months and have just had two good weeks (good being relative to "normal"). It was a long wait; I had to adjust my meds. I'm not saying that you need meds but call, email, something until I can buy the house next door to you!

    As for the athlete in you, you were the only reason why my bowling score wasn't the lowest all those Friday nights in Bryan!!!! Remember those years? Even your memory can't forget all of those nights. You, Cindy, Cathy, Lisa, and me. Ricky letting us take turns driving the car, us steering while he did the gas and brakes. There's no mystery why we are all good drivers; we started when we were, well, very young. Bless Ricky's heart. I'm guessing he didn't hate having four cute teenage girls taking turns squeezed right up against him, now that I think back. So you can't do one out of 200,000 special things-so what. Just don't pick up balls.

    And paint your toenails. That's what you told me way back in Wyoming. It's good advise. Instead of borrowing pretty polish from a friend and spilling it on her $5000 rug, go for a cheap (but safe) pedi with a girlfriend.

  9. It's late and the wind is cuuuuurazy but here in Australia I just laughed........really hard about the anal gland part! I like your blog!