My world's been hit by a holiday ball!

Debbie Downer ain't got nothing on me. I'm feeling a little stressed. Like that's a surprise. Who isn't just a little stressed this last week before Christmas? But I believe in purging ....not food....as if that isn't obvious...but the internal stress and getting it out of my body. Just ask Chuck. He was the recipient of a little of my stress purging just last night.

I married a flatliner. You may know one....they absorb their stress and just seem to shut down at times. You don't really think they are experiencing the same things you are because they are just so....so.....calm. This same type may never really belly laugh either. So although they appear calm they could very well be dead. Chuck handles stress this way. But I do not.

I am a panic stricken word vomiting stress purger. I start by blurting out all that I have to do in the next 48 hours. The list grows and grows as I shout louder and louder. My voice becomes screechy and irritating (even to me....) and I get that sore throat and headache that comes when you're screeching. I am probably not taking in enough oxygen. So my eyeballs hurt and God only knows what my blood pressure is.

I follow this by bringing up every time in the last 2 decades I have been this stressed and all the things that I had to do then. By now, I am really running low on air intake and I am wearing myself out. The end is near. Not of me, but of my fit.

I usually wind it up with walking off or hanging up if I'm doing all of this on the phone. I bet I look prettier on the phone. Then I feel better...while the train wreck I caused is laying in a puddle ....Chuck the puddle. Chuck who never word vomited in his life. We would have to go in with some kind of tube to get his words out.

Here's my list that's causing me stress and the reason the planets in my universe seem completely out of alignment.....

1. We are in the last few days of school before the holiday break and the kids are climbing the walls. Some are downright airborne. Why would talking about, reading about and making Santa out of construction paper cause them to fly? I spend 50 minutes each day in large group (PE, Art or Music) with 40 - 80 of these flying kids in a room. Today in PE, the teachers are trying to teach these 5 year olds how to square dance and my job is to help with behavior and crowd control. Hahahahahaha. Good one.

2. We've been helping make ornaments and Santas and reindeer and Mr. Grinches for about 180 kindergarteners. In addition to teaching them to write and read novels. (yes, novels....that's the expectations these days. Somebody needs to tell the higher-ups that kindergarteners are 5. They just got here 5 years ago. And they haven't quite accomplished standing in a line yet....much less reading a novel.)

3. Cameron is home with her new kitty (a stray she adopted a couple of weeks ago). That makes about 28 animals we have to feed. Maybe I'm exagerating a little...but it's my blog. Love Cameron, will probably end up loving the cat....but it's driving my dogs crazy right now so they are out of sync. The dogs are whining at the closed door where they know a new cat is being kept just out of their reach. The sound of whining anything = STRESS

4. Make a breakfast casserole for a staff breakfast tomorrow morning. Which will make me feel a little guilty for not cooking supper for my family. So I will need to go in there and cook something for supper. Which will be hard to do since I'm not really hungry since I had about 8 cookies today....because we were all treated with a tin of cookies from our students' families.

5. We are expected to go to Chuck's parents this time each year. The trip is planned for Saturday through Tuesday. Will has a job... a seasonal, retail job at Abercrombie & Fitch. I have a stomach ache thinking about leaving him here so he can work while we're 500 miles away. I am not an over protective type of mother...but this is the kid who jumped out of a moving car....and had his first wreck this summer while we were out of town. I will probably stay which will make Chuck's family upset. No good answer to this one.

6. I gave Chuck 3 names on our list to take care of. He got online and ordered gift certificates. I took care of the other 3000 gifts. At the mall with 55, 438 other people. Stood in mile long lines. Got the worst shoulder ache from the 15 pound purse I carried on my shoulder all day. Still have to wrap all these gifts. The piles of sacks are staring at me. I'm staring back.

7. Will is going skiing with a good friend and his family for 10 days....leaving on Dec. 26. He owns nothing that you could wear skiing. So I spent last night in Academy trying to pick out the least amount of clothing one would need. Ski boots, ski gloves, ski bib, hat and 2 sets of long underwear. He will borrow a jacket. It added up and this is for things that he will not use after Jan. 1. Lots of money spent on items only needed for 7 days but are really a Christmas present so it had to be done = STRESS

8. My blonde hair has a one inch gray border near my scalp...what's that about? And when the heck will I find time to fix it?

9. Really, do I need to go on? Are you still here? Somebody slap me. If you're reading this and you are sick or in pain or heartbroken or in deep financial stress, I apologize. I know it could be way worse. But I am seeking peace. Peace at this time. Why have we made this time of year so wacked out crazy? Couldn't we spread it out a little? Couldn't we let go of some of this stuff that we have brought on ourself?

Okay.......good things, positive things. I will focus on those and get back in this moment. Only this moment.