Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas....

...emphasis on the "little."

 

(I played around with Sharpies and fabric)

Empty nest.  Too pooped to really decorate for Christmas like I used to.  The big, pre-lit Christmas tree of yesteryear died and got thrown out at the end of December last year.   I've got years of holiday decorations from the primitive felt ornaments to the shiny glass, the traditional red and green to the more modern purples and lime greens. Rubbermaid tubs full of 30 years of memories that send me in to a slump rather than greet me with "hello there!"  I went through the tubs and pulled a little from each one and scattered them around the house.

 I found a little lit tree at Big Lots (yes, I love that place). It's about 71/2 feet tall, including the urn that it came in.  The urn was a badly fauxed gold color so I spray painted it with a hammered black (old spray paint can found in the garage because I couldn't wait until the next day to go buy Oil Rubbed Bronze). It's not much, but it's decorated. 

A few of the little Santas made their way out of the Rubbermaid tub.

 

I know it's really not about the decorating.  The older I get, the more I realize that. 

I guess we decorate to really engage in the holiday.  To remind us every time we walk in a room, a store, an office that it's Christmas time. 

 

While what we should immediately be reminded of is that little baby who was born...

who was sent to us from God to save us.  The fulfillment of God's promise. 

 

I've worked in retail the last 3 Christmas' and from what I gather, most people aren't really focused on that little detail about this time of year.  Actually, that HUGE detail.  Oh, I'm not pointing fingers... I'm guilty, too,  of the list making, the gift buying, the accumulating of wrapping paper and pretty ribbon, the frenzy that comes from all of that.

 

But it's about that baby. 

That little baby.

 

I'm working on that focus myself. 

 

 

 

Heading in to this next week, I am grateful for another December in my life. 

 

And I'm grateful ...

 

 

 

that all of my children will be home for at least 5 days together...

I will make the most of that little bit of time together...

 

 

 

that I was given the gift of a grandchild this year...this little boy has stolen my heart...

 

 

 

that Chuck and I celebrated 30 years of marriage this year...no little fete at all...

 

 

 

that it really is the little things that make us the happiest...

 

that God sent a savior in an unexpected way, in a little baby...

The greatest gift of all...HUGE. 

But in a little package.

 

Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

Stay in the moment.  Remember the reason.

 

 

Now breathe.

 

 

 

 

 

Don't Lose It!

Chuck and I recently got a new car.  Gone is the car that had the college emblems on it.  Gone are the kids in college.  It feels like a new chapter.  An empty nest chapter full of possibilities...traveling, dining at fancy restaurants, watching the sun set on life....who am I kidding?  It's more like full of me on the iPad playing solitaire while Chuck watches ghost shows on t.v. while cuddling Harry Pawter (who stays very close to Chuck and the can of peanuts.)

 

Harry is thinking "my dead weight will soon numb his legs

 and when he pushes me off, he will then grab the can of peanuts."

Chuck likes a new car about every 4 years or so.  He will not step foot in a clothing store to buy new shoes or a new shirt but he loves to shop for cars.  He loves the researching, the shopping, the negotiating....I hate it.  In the early years of our marriage, we shopped for cars together and I sat for the 4 to 6 hours and watched him turn a smiling, savvy salesman in to a nervous, sweaty wreck.  I have such a bleeding heart for the underdog that I would whisper to the salesman, "sorry" as we walked away from the last deal he had to offer.  Then roll my eyes as we were almost to the door and the nervous, sweaty wreck of a salesman would grab us back and say, "Let me go talk to the manager one more time."  Several times later, I was exhausted, wanted to crawl out of there on my knees and could barely look at Chuck.

Now?  I go to the dealer, look at the car.  Pick the color I want or bless the color he wants and then go home.  Hours and hours later, he drives the new ride home. 

But this time, I was there because I got tricked by Chuck telling me he just wanted me to pick the interior color and he wanted me to look at it one more time but he wasn't going to do the deal that day.  It seems we were looking at a 2014 model but we wanted the 2013 for the "deal." They couldn't find the 2013 in the color we wanted so they would honor the deal they had made with this 2014. What?  Once I figured out he was going to do his dealing thing, I headed to the waiting room.  I felt trapped, almost claustrophic but I was trying very hard to be nice.  This particular dealership had tables and chairs, cookies, coffee, water bottles, a bowl of fruit, and a t.v.  I suspect a woman was involved in the design plan.  Okay, the wait shouldn't be that bad.  Sounded like they had the numbers figured out already.

I was waiting and the clock was ticking.  An hour had gone by.  Fresh cookies kept coming out of the little toaster oven and I was refraining with all I had in me to ignore them. I ate an apple. I drank a water bottle.  I played Solitaire. Chuck comes out of the salesman's office and gives me the Sticker Price page off the windshield to hold on to.  He grins and says it's a done deal.....now off to Finance.  (Off to Finance means at least another 3 hours as Chuck is not budging on the interest rate he wants.)

As Chuck is walking away...he turns back and looks at me....

Chuck:  Don't lose it!

Me:  Don't lose what?

Chuck:  The Sticker Price.

Me:  Where would I lose it?  I'm sitting right here?  (rolling my eyes at him)

Chuck:  Okay.

Me:  Why would you even say that?  Whatever!  Like I'm going to LOSE IT??? It's a piece of paper!  Where's it going to go? (I may be a little grouchy at this point but the nerve of him to think I would lose it.  Talking to me like he's my father! The nerve of him.)

Chuck:  Okay.

Hours go by, I have folded the Sticker Page up and put it in my purse.  I check it now and then to make sure it's still there.  Yep.  Haven't lost it.

I play a dozen games of Solitaire.  I check Facebook a million times.  I look at Pinterest.  Hours, hours, hours. Check the paper, still there.  Almost funny now that I kept checking it.  But I kept checking it.

Suddenly, I wonder if Chuck got the garage door opener out of the old car, now known as the trade-in.  I find him in Finance and interrupt to ask him...without really making eye contact with the Finance guy because I feel sorry for him.   Chuck said, "I don't remember."  I get the keys and head outside to look.

It's a good thing I went out there because there was a little trash in the pocket by the door so I start cleaning.  I don't want the person who cleans up the car afterwards to think we're messy (yes, I think like that.) Then I look in the pockets behind the seats and there are some sunglasses and more trash...Sonic mints, napkins, straw wrappers, airline boarding pass, baggage claim, etc. I start throwing all the trash in my purse for lack of a better place to put it. I go through the whole car and find a pair of tweezers under the seat (well, there you are!), a few coins and an old magazine.  Several kernels of popcorn from the night we went to the movies and I brought the container of leftover popcorn to the car.

The garage door opener?  Not in there because DUH this car had the kind of button that can be programmed to open your garage door and so no opener had to be left in the car.  But still, good thing I went out there and got that trash.

I come back inside to my home-away-from-home and head to the ladies' room.  By now I've had 2 water bottles.  I empty all the trash from my purse and go back out to my table.

Finally, after hours, Chuck comes back out, with his chest puffed out and proud as a peacock, because he has the keys to our new car. 

We head home in 5'o'clock traffic....grrrr, just what I needed...more sitting, more entrapment. I am happy with this new car but I could have done without the labor pains it took to get it.

Once we get home, Chuck rounds up all of his papers to file away in to his folder...the folder he takes with him when car shopping, full of his super hero negotiating powers.  He comes in the room...

Chuck:  Where is the Sticker Page?

Me:  In my purse. (I point towards the kitchen.)

Chuck: (after digging in my purse) It's not in there.

Me: Oh, my gosh! (spoken with disgust because he can never find anything!)

I'm digging through my purse.  Not in there. Not in there!  Why isn't it in there?  How could I have LOST IT?  Think.  Think.  Think.

Oh, no I didn't.  Please tell me I didn't throw it away with all the trash from the car.

Yep. 

Karma, you are a biter. 

 

When one speaks unkindly to one's husband,

when one's husband ask them not to lose something,

one will lose that something.

 

 

 

Help, Thanks, Wow...

I just finished reading Anne Lamott's book, A Journal of My Son's First Son, co-written with her son Sam Lamott.  In this book, she writes from a new grandmother's perspective.  I picked this book up in the Phoenix airport as I was leaving Liam at the age of 3 weeks...it seemed so timely.  That was way back in April.  And I just finished it.  I've not been reading much lately.  I've certainly not been blogging much either. Help.

One thing I took away from Anne Lamotte's book is the 3 essential prayers:  Help, Thanks, Wow.  That's it. She's written a book called just that but I haven't read it yet (it's on my list, my ever growing list)...although she refers to it in this last book I just read.... God knows our needs, our blessings, our pain, our joys.  All we really need to do is send up a Help, Thanks, or Wow.  It just feels good to acknowledge it and is right to do so.  If you're not one to get down on your knees and say a lengthy prayer to God, this is all you really need to do.  He already knows...just send him up a Help, Thanks, or Wow.

Help me keep my mouth shut.  Help me have more patience.  Help.  Thanks for this day.  Thanks for this meal.  Thanks for keeping my mouth shut. Thanks. Wow, this baby is pure joy.  Wow we did it!  We got all 3 kids through college.  Wow... that sunset is glorious.  Wow.


This has definitely been a year of Help and Thanks but also Wow.

Photo courtesy of Casey

Liam is now 5 months old and he is rolling back and forth, babbling, grabbing toys, trying to hold his own bottle and almost sitting without falling over. Wow.

I've done a poor job of journaling about Liam on this blog.  In fact, this blog, if it could, would have cobwebs on it.  I've given a lot of thought about why I haven't blogged in awhile and all I can come up with is that I'm just living and staying in the moment.  And my mojo is off. Help.

This year has been full of ups and downs.  In January, while attending Jordan's baby shower, my mother passed away.  She had been bed-ridden and very ill for at least 3 years so it was not unexpected yet the timing was certainly a shock.  I was in Phoenix attending a joyous occasion.  The death of my mother had to be pushed down...way down...so I could experience this joyous occasion...this moment. Help.

Then came the joyous arrival of my first grandchild in March. Thanks. That day was all about getting on a plane as quickly as I could so I could make it to the hospital in Phoenix in time.  I was full of anticipation and anxiety...and attention deficit due to the endless games of Solitaire on the ipad while waiting to be called to board and missed my flight sitting at the wrong gate....because the gate number had been changed and I failed to read the black board indicating that small detail.  By the time I got to the hospital and saw Liam for the first time, I felt like that day had been a week! Wow.

Will graduated in May and by July 4th, we moved him out to Los Angeles.  Wow. Those weeks were filled with emptying the attic and cleaning out closets and getting him packed up.  Emptying the attic?  Yes. Will had about 6 weeks between graduating and moving so I put him to work for me.  I just had this urge to get everything out of the attic while I had the strong arms of Will around.  He brought down every single dust covered box and put them in the game room.  And the garage attic got emptied, too. The game room is now referred to as Junk Central. Next is the chore  to go through them and trash, save or sell the stuff.  (Beanie Babies anyone?) Help. The good news is that the attics are empty! Thanks.

Photo from Will's iPhone screen.

Help.

Sometime around June, Cameron introduced us to her new boyfriend who we're crazy about.  She is in a good place and of course, that makes a mama happy. Thanks.

Now it's August and I am heading back to Phoenix for a visit with Liam.  I actually get to babysit him for the weekend because his parents are going away for a much deserved weekend.  I am beyond excited about this. Thanks.  Wow.  Needless to say, we're spending a lot of our money on airfare these days.  That would be a "help" for Chuck.  But it's a "thanks for the wow" for me.

Like I said, this year as been full of ups....Liam's birth, Will graduating from college, getting the attic cleaned out (yes, that's an UP), Cameron being in a new and great relationship with a guy we're very fond of...Thanks...but also downs...my mother's passing, Will moving away so far away, being so far away from Liam.  Help.


One Wow that has caught me by surprise is the joy I have received watching Jordan become a mother.  I was prepared for the joy of a grandchild.  Many, if not most of my friends my age, are already grandmothers.  I have heard for years "you just wait, you will never believe how wonderful it is."  So Liam has certainly filled that prophecy. They were all right...I could not have imagined this kind of love. But watching my own child become a mother has been the icing on the cake. Wow.

Jordan was a very good baby, a smart little girl, made the perfect A's on her report card.  Never got in trouble in school until 10th grade when she back talked a teacher (that's genetics as it happened to me in 10th grade, too).  She gave us some back talk...okay, a lot of back talk as a teenager...but nothing compared to stories I've heard from others. Thanks. She got in to A&M and got out in 4 years.  Wow!  She headed to Phoenix for an internship knowing no one.  Wow!  Ended up in Arizona with a full time job and went on to find her husband who we love.  Thanks.  She has made us proud.  There has never been any doubt that she would succeed at anything she attempted.  Controlling, independence and stubbornness handed down by her parents may have helped in her endeavors.

Photo courtesy of Casey

I knew she would be a good mama one day, but she has surpassed my expectations.  She is so, so good with Liam.  I get as much joy watching her with him as I do watching him.  It's not that I thought she wouldn't be good at this, but I remember my insecurities with her, my first baby.  I still remember how scared I was the first day I was left alone with her ...after the husband and mother returned to their work and lives.   And tired?  So tired. I was a bit of a complainer in those early days. I just thought I would hear her complain more or be cranky because I certainly remember feeling that way. But she is a natural at it. She is crazy about him, never complains about being too tired (to us anyway...Chris may be rolling his eyes about now), is so organized, has him on a schedule, doesn't freak out when he's fussy, just loves, loves, loves on him.  She grins the biggest grin when she looks at him and it's reciprocated by Liam. He swivels his head completely around if she's behind him.  They can't get enough of each other.  She sends us pictures daily and calls or face times us almost every evening. It's made the distance between us and Liam much more bearable. Watching Jordan become a mother has been a huge joy that was unexpected.  Wow.  Thanks! 

I am riding the ups and downs by staying in the moment.  Just this moment. Now this one.

I've been sending up those Helps, Thanks and Wows.


Try it.  It's not good for my blogging but it sure is good for the soul.